Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
not ubering you a puppy
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
