I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Randomize
