The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
