Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
