We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Randomize
