We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
