I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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