alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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