i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize