i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
