Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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