It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
