There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
