new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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