I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Randomize
