I am puke
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize