some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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