theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
He kissed a someone with a penis
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
