Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Randomize
