just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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