Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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