Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
She needs sedatives and a leash
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
