i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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