He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
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Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
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just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize