I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
sex in a hospital.. check
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
