Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
