Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
