and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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