I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
