No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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