I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
