I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
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