We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
