I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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