Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
