There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize
