Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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