So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Randomize
