Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Randomize
