i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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