accomplished twins. life is a go
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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