Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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