The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
