We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
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He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
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Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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