I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
