Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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