My sheets look like a crime scene.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
