Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
