his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Randomize
