I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
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She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
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Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
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