she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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