I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
