I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Randomize
