It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize
