Me too!
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
