I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
