i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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