we're blogging at a bar
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
